It's time to face up to it - I am middle aged. Much as being 37 today is different to the 37 of my parents' generation, I am probably about half way (or maybe more - who knows?) through life. I think I am also ready to admit that I have been having something that might well fit into the box marked 'Mid Life Crisis'.
I haven't bought a motorbike, had plastic surgery (unless you count getting your eyes lasered) or taken up a dangerous sport but I have been questioning things in a way that I never did before.
During the past couple of years there has been a kind of dull itch travelling around my mind; questioning the things that I value and querying the life that I lead. Last year brought a watershed when having gone home in tears from a meeting that had went spectacularly badly I thought - 'Sod this. I might drop dead tomorrow, I am going to have some fun instead'. So I left the job, started up my own business and found it to be an incredible awakening to what is possible if you decide to take your destiny into your own hands. I have more time, fun and freedom and true control over what I do and when. The family are happier and so am I. A big change, and one that I am continuing to feel the effects of, but the surprising thing is that the itch has not gone away as I had thought it would.
With freedom comes even greater opportunities, and perhaps pressure to make sure that you are being true to what you want to achieve. As well as managing the business, I am working towards establishing myself as a writer. This is something that is taking enormous amounts of discpline to do and at times an uncomfortable degree of being totally honest with myself (I am lazy, spend too much time thinking and not enough writing, my grammar needs improvement, the list goes on...).
It is hard to keep yourself on track when you only have yourself to answer to, so a little drill sergeant has appeared on my shoulder with the sole aim of keeping me true to my original promises and suggesting that I might try things that are a bit scary. Most recently the idea of taking part in an open mike night has come up - he is persuasive so it might just happen!
It is possible that this is a by-product of working from home. I have been reassured by friends that talking out loud to yourself is par for the course whether you're at home with children or working as a freelancer and plenty of them admit to feeling a similar restlessness. However, if this is a 'Mid Life Crisis' then I plan to own it, embrace it and I don't mind saying it!
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