What I've Learnt About Half-Term

So here I am on the eve of returning to work after a week off and it has been quite an education - here's what I've discovered:

If you take your children to a National Trust Property with your friends and their children this is what will happen:

* One of them will say "booooriing"
* One of them will say "this room smells"
* One of them will unleash a silent but violent guff
* At no point will your group resemble the images in the National Trust booklets of Boden-clad mummies, earnest daddies, and artfully disheveled children in hand-knitted Arran sweaters

I made this!

If you take your children to the New Forest with your friends and their children, this is what will happen:

* One of them will sink their foot so far into a bog that it will suck their trainer off and you will then spend £32 in Clarks
* One of them will manage to get a splinter lodged into their finger that is so massive that blood pours out of their finger tip and you will actually feel the resistance as you draw the damn thing out when you finally get home and locate a pair of tweezers
* You will be in awe of your friend who carries her own mini first aid kit, and it will inspire you to create your own

If you take your children to Longleat, this is what will happen:

* They will be disappointed that the monkeys didn't rip every bit of trim off your car
* One of them will skin their knee on a drop slide and appear in front of you with blood running down their leg
* You will be glad that you have copied your friend's mini first aid kit and feel mightily smug as you deal with the knee

If you take your children on a long off-road bike ride, this is what will happen:

* One of them will hurtle so fast down a rutted track that you will fear for their life
* One of them will manage to introduce their legs to every single stinging nettle in the countryside
* You will wish you'd put aloe vera in your mini first aid kit

If you stick to your promise to not look at work emails for the week you're off, this is what will happen:

* You will marvel at how relaxing it is when your home is not a workplace
* You will marvel at how relaxing it is when you're not worrying about work
* You will realise that big splinters, skinned knees, letting out guffs in National Trust properties and being bored make for some brilliant family experiences.

I'm looking forward to next half term!

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